Breakup

I broke up with my boyfriend the other day.
Two days ago , actually.
I needed to know...i needed to know how it is to be on my own again.
I didnt want to feel like i needed to depend on someone again..
especially someone who i cant depend on.
Someone who, last week, told me...'i hate it when you DEPEND on me'
when all i asked him ws if we were still going to Bonnaroo concert together,
he said he didnt want to because his best friend couldnt,
so i said i was still goign to go with a different girl-friend,
he then said 'NO NO ILL TAKE YOU.'
i said 'nooim going with her.'
'NO NO IM TAKING YOU'
me: 'it hurts me that you know how much i want Bonnaroo, you did too, but then you invited all your friends, one cant go, now you cancel...and now im left stuck alone. So now i needed someone to go with, drive all the way to..(the 8 hours or so it takes to get there.) and THEN you say you'll take me.'(meaning he never really cared that i wanted to go in the first plce, he just cared tht HE wanted to go, and that he didnt want to without his bff. ugh.) and thi skind of thing happens on a daily basis..with everything.
so once i said that to him ^ he goes 'I HATE IT WHEN YOU DEPEND ON ME.'
that out of everything, everything hes done to me this year, much more traumatic nd soul crushing situatious where people begged me to break up wit him becuse he was truly killing me, and killing me deeply and hard and it was terrible..this line, stilll really hurt.
because ive trained my self for an entire year and a half, to not depend on him.
but at the same time, stopped hnging out with ll my friends for him, stopped everything in my life really for him. rearranged everything i wanted to do on my own or with family or with friends so that he would be apart of it, and a lot of times ruined these things.
and he still said 'i hate it when you depend on me!'
happy st patricks day to you, bustah.
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part of me feels bad bout blogging about him, because if he read this, he would again, blame me like he used to do with everything i never did. but now he has a reason to hate me. i broke up with him. and now im venting. im such a horrible person right?
<3
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check out this video below: beautifull.<3



-->[[Lyrics]]
And it starts


Sometime around midnight

Or at least that's when

You lose yourself

For a minute or two


As you stand

Under the bar lights

And the band plays some song

About forgetting yourself for a while

And the piano's this melancholy soundcheck

To her smile

And that white dress she's wearing

You haven't seen her

For a while

But you know

That she's watching

She's laughing, she's turning

She's holding her tonic like a crux

The room suddenly spinning

She walks up and asks how you are

So you can smell her perfume

You can see her lying naked in your arms



And so there's a change

In your emotions

And all of these memories come rushing

Like feral waves to your mind

Of the curl of your bodies

Like two perfect circles entwined

And you feel hopeless, and homeless

And lost in the haze

Of the wine


And she leaves

With someone you don't know

But she makes sure you saw her

She looks right at you and bolts

As she walks out the door

Your blood boiling

Your stomach in ropes

And when your friends say, "What is it?"

You look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk

Under the streetlights

And you're too drunk to notice

That everyone is staring at you

And you so care what you look like

The world is falling

Around you
You just have to see her

You just have to see her

You just have to see her

You just have to see her

You just have to see her

And you know that she'll break you

In two